The Stacey Report

June 25, 2006: Guest Blogger, Johanna Dees!

Posted in Uncategorized by ohthatdeb on June 25, 2006

But first, a quick update from Stacey:
The mouth tingles are better, but we are adding to the Things I Learned from Chemo list…

The Things I Learned from Chemo, Thing the Fourth:
If you are going to prepare soft-shell crab for dinner, make sure to get the loose ones rather than the individually-plastic-wrapped ones. That way, you’ll catch the smell little by little, rather than all at once when you start unwrapping them, and you will have a lot more warning that the little buggers are going to make you….uh oh…. BLLLAAAAAAHHHHH! Oh, dear, yes, right in the sink, no time to get to the powder room.

Hey man, like I said, I don’t make the news…

OK! On to better and brighter things, and here is our special showcase from the lovely and talented Johanna Dees!

(by the way, Johanna calls Stacey some very odd things here, and we have no information at all about the meaning or origins of these names. So everyone pester Johanna about that.)

—————————————-

After hearing that you were beginning to lose your hair and not enjoying the wig fittings, I was inspired to make your life a bit easier. I have done a little research and discovered a handful of fabulous wig styles!

Turban? Not for Mrs. Smellthat! You will strut the streets in style with these fabulous looks. I have also created a brief synopsis of how your life might have turned out had you sported these
hairstyles of your own volition from an early age. (Please forgive my photoshop skills or lack thereof.)

The Cassie: “You want more ketchup with them there fries?” That’s right! Sporting the Cassie ‘do, our little miss Spacey Smellthat would have ended up slinging hash at only the finest of the Big Bubba’s Truck Stop Havens!

Elvis: “Thank you. Thank you very much!” This one speaks for itself. Elvis impersonator extraordinaire!

Fancifree: “Please hold while I connect your call.” Footloose and fancifree is the motto for our little miss Telephone Operator Nested. (Note this hairdo goes much better with Nested than with Smellthat.)

Marilyn: “Hhhhhappy birthday, Mr. President…” Rrrrrrrrrr. Watch out Jessica Simpson. With this hairdo, Stacey was sure to become America’s hottest, cheatin’-ist, favorite-est…. well, whore!

Paula A: “You moved me and made it your own. America loves you.” This one could be a blessing and a curse. With this stylish coif, Stacey would have become judge and jury for the next American Idol.

And lest you feel totally picked on by being the only one with hair enhancements, here is a lovely photo–both in color and black and white (one for the office and one for above the fireplace)–of everyone celebrating the magical joy of hair!

 

Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely and talented Johanna Dees! (Wild applause, hooting, cat calls, throwing of hotel room keys… Duck, Johanna!)

The next updates have been delayed by actual work here at the Stacey’s Sister publishing house, but stay with us as we contemplate the Relay for Life, the power of Righteous Indignation, and a splendid surprise! (Don’t put away those wallets!)

One Response

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