Think fast!

Ha HA! I gotcha. You were all relaxitatin’ like old ladies in Florida, languidly beckoning the cabana boy to your lounge chair by the pool and ordering big fruity drinks with little paper umbrellas… weren’t you?

Yes you were, you liar, I saw you. You looked a little TOO comfy, see, so breast cancer decided to smack you upside the head with some suckiness.

Here’s our intrepid reporter and resident chemo-junkie, Stacey!

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Oh…hell.

Remember when I asked what that thing was that they called Good News? Well, turns out the answer is “Bad News”. I don’t know why I’m surprised by this.

Apparently I forgot to take something into consideration, or was considering that thing incorrectly, or my considerer is broken, or I stepped on something squishy in the middle of the night, or I didn’t give it a nice enough Valentine’s card, or I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND (though that could be the teenager). The numbers that started going down? The ones that started going up around the time we discovered the diabetes? The ones I thought were going down because the lesions in the liver were going away? Turns out those numbers were just going down because the diabetes was being controlled (not a bad thing, but not the good thing I wanted). In fact, the lesions weren’t affecting the liver function much at all (yet). This is goodish, but it also means that while I thought the old lesions were going away what was actually happening was that new lesions were appearing. Yeah, that sucks.

I found this out on Wednesday and it is now Tuesday and I’m only just now starting to feel a bit better about the whole thing. Do you know what dread feels like? If not, then I’m happy for you, but I’ll inform you now that it’s a burning in the pit of your stomach and an overwhelming feeling that you’re about to fucking lose it. It is not a feeling you want when you’re trying to celebrate your daughter’s 7th birthday. It’s not a feeling you want when you’re trying to enjoy the Olympics. It’s not a feeling you want when you’re trying to keep up at work so that they don’t fire your ass, which would really add insult to injury. IT’S NOT A FEELING YOU WANT, LIKE, AT ALL. So, I was happy to find this morning that I’m feeling a bit more straightened out than I was. It still sucks, though.

The new plan is Tykerb. They now use it in conjunction with the Herceptin because they do the same thing in different ways, and also because it’s hard to tell when the Herceptin is no longer working and needs a boost. The downside is that the insurance company puts you through hoops to get it (I STILL don’t have it 6 days later). I’d start complaining about Empire BlueCross BlueShield if I thought that this was in any way unique to them. Also whenever I call them I end up talking to the nicest people ever found on the other end of a phone. They sound nice (soft, lilting, southern accents), take care of problems, and always call back when they promise they will. Empire should thank its lucky stars they have these people because without them I’d be having a Twitter fit to end all Twitter fits.

TFDB also prescribed Aromasin, which is a steroidal aromatase inhibitor. (Say THAT ten times fast!) That means that it prevents the aromatase enzyme from converting androgens into estrogen, which is good if you have estrogen happy cancer. Wikipedia describes this action as “suicide inhibition”. I love that term! Hee! TFDB says that 80% of estrogen found in the body comes from the ovaries (problem solved when they were removed), so to address the other 20% you need to prevent the body from converting stuff into estrogen. It’s an estogen free zone up in here! By the way, I was just looking at Wikipedia to see what effects having next to no estrogen has on the body (none of which I seem to be experiencing) and I discovered that mushrooms (the table kind, not the “special” kind) have anti-aromatase properties. Wikipedia then says this: “Women who consumed mushrooms and green tea had a 90% lower incidence of breast cancer.” Cool!

TFDB also suggested that I start taking a daily aspirin, given the recent news about aspirin and breast cancer rates (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35426947/).

We’re going to do 8 weeks of the Tykerb and then test again. If nothing has changed then it’s on to a Taxol type drug, which would mean losing my hair again. Feh; hair shmair, I don’t care, but I’m hoping that this works so that I don’t have to live up to those words. I’m not keen on feeling the dread again.

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PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: It’s now February; it’s safe to take down your Christmas lights, AUNTIE DEB!

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Thank you, Auntie Stacey, for that depressing report on the recent suckiness, and NO thanks for your WOEFULLY UNINFORMED public service announcement.

It is, in fact, NOT safe to take my Christmas lights down. They’re the only thing keeping the government from reading our minds with radio waves. Just wear a tin foil hat, you say? AU CONTRAIRE, MON CHER! New research has debunked such ridiculous ideas, and today the well-prepared conspiracy nut protects the homestead with a barrier of electricity, MOST EASILY CONCEALED as simple, everyday Christmas lights. These also act as excellent protection against alien abduction; the nasty critters think your house is another spaceship and just blink a little “hey, man, how’s it hangin’?” as they pass by.

So if you want to put YOUR family in danger by following these dangerous seasonal trends, go right ahead, but when the black helicopters start circling or Quimby the cat is replaced by an alien replica, don’t come cryin’ to me! (You can send Ruby over, though — that kid rocks.)

Today’s deflection of unpleasant emotions brought to you by Yankee Ice. Got troubles? Well, keep ’em to yourself! Pop a refreshing cube of Yankee Ice and butter won’t melt in your mouth!

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